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April 25, 2017

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DK,

Is there a difference in the pace in PP? It’s interesting what you say about the different mix of people, and the implications to social “boxes”–it sounds like you still feel classifiable, yet somehow less boxed in in PP than in the U.S., or did I not quite understand that right?

I like SBNR–that’s a term that is an option on one of the online dating apps I use, and tonight I’m going on a third date with a girl who also describes herself that way. I was just thinking about it this morning–I really have no idea what it means to her, and I’d like to ask tonight. SBNR can mean so many things to different people, yet it is the best I have found to describe myself for now :)

I think you, DK, are kind of highlighting that the difference in a SBNR person is that there is a stronger focus towards the experience, towards feeling one’s feelings inside, towards finding beauty in our experiences of the outside…whether that happens to be PP or NC…seems that many of us are travelers, so we know that what we are experiencing outside may change, and we must remember to be our true selves wherever we happen to find ourselves next.

The pace is different, yes. It is the kind of pace that is different, though, because it’s not my place. I’m just a visitor here, a foreigner. An immigrant, as EF had pointed out somewhere, that we are immigrants when we go to Europe and N. America but when you come here you are an ‘expat.’ That kind of privileged perspective, you know, that is one kind of strange awakening. And then you see the layers and layers of things, the way you could get upset about someone doing X or Y when you were Stateside and here it’s like, really? The way a gecko went around the floor and then it might have been a lizard or a cockroach and I’m not even freaked out about that, now. I guess pace of my heartbeat? My sudden jumpiness of the anxiety-induced life that is what I see in America, that I am a product of… Really. I have to try very, very hard with special teas (told you about that, up there) to get rid of it. And it’s not gotten rid of. The best I can do is carry on conversaitons with good people, people I can… connect with. Creatively. Ultimately that’s the only way to go through this thing that is the fog of being like totally disconnected… from a thing you knew… a place, a sense of belongingness. But I don’t think the South is where I belong, even if I spent 20+ years there. I mean, really. I am not doing the math it is prety late. I think I hsould sleep. Yeah. I should… Being our true selves is hard work, man. HARD.

I always compare myself to the more popular, creatively higher-outputting people. That is the danger. The internet can mak eit look like eveyrhing is easy-peasy far away from you, adn then, when you get down to it, it’s really just grit and hard work and persistence nad finding your concept, that true self stuff, takes a lot of finding and digging and all of that, and even then, it CHANGES from time to time and you have to go and do things like make up pseudonyms.

All right. That’s the news for now, from PP. :) Good night!!!

Slightly edited. Just changed things up a bit and cut this part:

I guess this is where I get a little bit spiritual, spiritual but not religious as they say, SBNR!, as taught to me recently by one person who was for a time here in this eCommunity, and I guess, too, that there are ways to talkabout things so that you don’t push people away, but I have yet to learn them. And stop being such an arsehole about everything that isn’t exactly what I think. I’m learning, L. I’ve got a long ways to go. But yes, I feel more integrated to humanity. The good stuff is even better. The flowers are sweet here. The orchids, especially. The tropical things and broad leaves and ferns and I guess one might complain about PP not having much greenery but what there is, when you see it, is of a shape and style that is too good, too pretty, because it is so new. And the new, the near, the now and the next. That is what I’m always in search of. We talked about this, after Expat and Expat 2 in Durham, at Mad Hatters and Old Havana. I wonder if you and I talked about it? I think you would liket he color and the texture of htings, here. These days I’m making what K. calls ‘bou-kets.’ And they are styled to be simple. Inspired, I think, by yours.

How about the time and space thing. Let me see. I will come back to that and answer in a comment here… Meantime just wanted to share where I am and what I’ve got to say in response to your query… Feel free to comment!

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